this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize