Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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