I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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