my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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