you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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