Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
