brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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