so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
