Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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