I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize