Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
