remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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