It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
