i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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