you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Too much gin, very little bucket
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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