Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
