Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
