i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
