He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
