member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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