May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize