hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
