nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
