after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
