What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
