I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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