mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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