Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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