ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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