remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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