I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
