I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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