So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize