It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
