i think my tv is drunk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
