Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
