The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
