Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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