drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
