I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
