I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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