There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
