In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
