she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
