just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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