Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
