My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
