just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize