My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize