I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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