wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
