is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
