i just google imaged poop.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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