Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
