Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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