just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize