dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
