his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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