Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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