ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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