return my video game
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize