Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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