literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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