Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Small penises have feelings too.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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