I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
