So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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