I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
