a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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