While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
