The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
