Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
